Let's Get Kraken: The Musical (Act 1, Scene 1)

"Let's Get Kraken"

Scene 1 -- The game of mafia:

The curtain opens on a card table with a cluster of chairs around it. Sitting there are Blair, Clara, Conrad, Greg, Lena, and Nicole. They are engaged in a heated discussion, except instead of talking they're singing. Like in an opera. For no real reason. We join them midgame...

Nicole: So who are we going to kill?
Conrad: Yes, who are we going to kill?
Clara: Let's all kill Nicole!
Nicole: What? Kill *you*!
Lena: Or maybe we should kill Conrad...
Greg: Everyone, let's just kill Blair!
Clara: Yes, we'll all team up on Blair!
Blair: You guys, that's really not fair.
Conrad: Yeah, except why should we care?
Lena: Yes, let's all kill Blair!
Blair: Don't kill the angel!
Lena: Let's vote! Who should we kill?
Blair: Not me!
Greg: Blair!
Conrad: Blair! (in harmony)
Nicole: Blair! (in harmony)
Clara: Blair! (in harmony)
Lena: Blair! (in harmony)
Blair: Look! You killed your angel! Are you happy now?
Greg: Oops.
Conrad: Oops. (in harmony)
Nicole: Oops. (in harmony)
Clara: Oops. (in harmony)
Lena: Oops. (in harmony)
(Spoken)
Greg: It is over and done. Now narrate!
Blair: Fine. (clears throat) Everyone, go to sleep! Mafia wake up, mafia who do you want to kill, I said, who do you want to kill, okay then, go to sleep, angel wake up-- oh wait, you killed your angel.
Greg: Oh, get over it.
(sung again)
Blair: Everyone wake up!
Clara: Who died?
Nicole: Yes, who died?
Conrad: Tell us, who died?
Blair: I will tell you.
Once, in the middle of the night,
Clara was walking down the road.
Suddenly, she saw a horrible sight.
And in horror, her pace slowed.
Clara: What was it?
Nicole: Yes, what was it?
Conrad: Tell us, what was it?
Blair: It was something truly fearsome.
It was... the land kraken, oh no!
Clara was never seen again...
Sorry, that's just the way things go.
Clara: I got eaten by the land kraken? No way!

(Spoken)
Greg: What is a land kraken, anyway? That's so ridiculous! A kraken on land would suffocate, they need water to live!
Lena: Actually, they are common in legend. All agree that they are even more frightening than sea krakens, because it's so unnatural for them to be able to live out of water.

(sung)
Conrad: But I just don't understand
How can a kraken live on land?
Aren't they just like giant squid?
Explain this to me, you silly kid.

Lena: Now yes, it's certainly true
That a sea kraken needs water blue,
And lake krakens shrivel up in the sun
Without moisture their life's soon done.

But a land kraken needs no gills
In order to make its many kills
From the air it needs no protection,
And all thanks to natural selection!

Clara: But didn't you say that it's just a myth?
Creatures like that can't really exist.
It must be just a common legend
Or a story told about a friend-of-a-friend?

Nicole: It's not just as simple as that, I fear
Or didn't you guys ever get to hear
About the time I went exploring and found a cave
With a noise from inside -- but I was brave

I grabbed my flashlight and went inside
(I know now I'm lucky not to have died)
Climbed over mossy stones and down the hole
Until I saw something that chilled my soul

There lurking in the very back...
Was the kraken, ready to attack!
I scrambled away, as fast as I could
Running for air and all that is good

I thought I'd never see the light of day
But through some miracle I got away
And maybe I'll never know why I survived
But I have some theories as to why I'm alive

I think it must have been fast asleep
And didn't notice me when I came to creep
Into its dark lair, its silent cave
Which nearly ended up becoming my grave!

Greg: Now that's a very nice story
But I think you just wanted fame and glory
Obviously something like that can't happen
Finding a kraken in a cave nappin'

Clara: Now Greg, you don't have to be mean
But Nicole, when you talk about what you've seen
It sounds impossible, but you don't often lie
But here's another explanation that we should try:

People often are caught by an optical illusion
Our eyes cause the world so much confusion
And then we hear stories about little green men
And mummies and floating lights in the fen

And even though people swear that it's so
I don't think the aliens are real, don't you know
But there's no reason to feel desperation
Just 'cause you've got a good imagination

So my dear cousin, could it've been a dream?
Or maybe what you saw was just a gleam
Of light that reflected and made it look
Like you'd seen a creature from out of a book?

Nicole: I know what I saw and it was a kraken
If I hadn't run, it'd soon have been snackin'
On me, and if you don't think it exists
Why don't you try going to pay it a visit!

Greg: Well I'm not scared 'cause it's not real
So how 'bout I make you guys a deal?
We'll go and see whether it's there
And here's the deal, which I think is fair

If we see the kraken, then I will say
I'm sorry, and 20 bucks I'll pay
And if we don't, on the other hand
You owe me 20 bucks, you understand?

Blair: And guys, just think, if the kraken's real
We could have a really sweet tv deal!
Take the video camera with us, and then
If we tape it, never have to work again!

Conrad: You've never worked in the first place
But anyway, whatever the case
I think that sounds like a good plan
Grab the camera, everyone to the van

At the very least we'll have something to do
Because I'm tired of telling all of you
That mafia's stupid and not really a game
And you won't play hearts, 'cause you're all lame

So let's go and see what's out there
I doubt it's a kraken, more likely a bear
But anyway, it's time to have some fun
And now the adventure has begun!

(All file out, singing the land kraken theme song:
Now yes, it's certainly true
That a sea kraken needs water blue,
And lake krakens shrivel up in the sun
Without moisture their life's soon done.

But a land kraken needs no gills
In order to make its many kills
From the air it needs no protection,
And it's all thanks to natural selection!)